Bittersweet

Tomorrow is Jonathan's birthday. He will be three. I have mixed feelings about this. That means that J will no longer be a toddler. He will officially be a pre-schooler. I can't believe that it's been three years since I became a mommy. Three years. How can that be? These years have just flown by. I can remember the day he was born like it was yesterday. I remember being so scared and excited. When J was born, he had health problems. He had a lot of difficulties breathing. I didn't get to see him until he was about ten hours old. The NICU nurses took a photo of him and had Chris bring it to me. This is the photo:

He was later intubated. He looked so pathetic when I met him. Tubes and wires were everywhere. But all I saw was beauty. He was here. The baby I had wished for, dreamed of, and planned for was finally here. I fell head over heels in love. J had been pretty unresponsive since he'd been born. But when I got down to the NICU, I leaned over his isolette and said, "Hello, baby boy. This is your mommy. I love you." And J turned his head and opened his eyes. He knew my voice and he found comfort in that. He opened his mouth and tried to make a noise, but couldn't because of the tube down his throat.

When I was pregnant, I nicknamed him my Sweet Baby J and the name has stuck. He gets so angry when I call him my baby, but he so totally is. I put him to bed tonight. (We always let J choose who he wants and he chose Mommy tonight.) As we were snuggling, I told him the story of the day he was born. He liked that. I have told him the story before and he especially likes the part about Heidi wishing, praying, and hoping for a baby and then the doctor tells her she has a baby boy growing in her tummy. Heidi didn't become a mommy until Jonathan was born. That makes him pretty special.

We are taking J to Noodles and Company, his favorite restaurant, and to the Green Bay Zoo for his birthday. His party isn't until the 20th. He is so excited and I guess I am, too.