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So, this pregnancy has SUCKED so far. My morning sickness got so bad that my midwife had me pumped full of fluids yesterday cuz I was so dehydrated. She also put me on anti-nausea meds that are normally given to chemo patients. The stuff works pretty well.
I have the world's naughtiest dog. Chance barks and barks. All. The. Time. It gets so bad that we have to tie him to the coffee table sometimes just to get some peace. J and I were outside the other day. Chance was barking at the window at us, so I went in and tied him to the coffee table just to get him to shut the hell up. When I came in, I saw this:
Nice, huh? Oh, shit. I just noticed how messy my living room is in that pic. Please ignore the mess. My only excuse is that I have a toddler.
My kid is hilarious. He loves ice cream. He had some at lunchtime today. This is the result:
And this:
Isn't he the cutest?
God, Jonathan has been AWFUL tonight. His temper tantrums are out-of-control. I am tired of them. He got put in time-out for the first time tonight. Oh, was his heart broken! He wasn't good about staying sitting, but I kept putting him back. I didn't say one word while I was doing it even though I wanted to throw him through a window. He finally gave up, sat on the stair, and sobbed. Afterwards, he was clingy, but I don't think he's had any long-lasting effects from it. However, his voice is hoarse tonight.
I need a vacation from my life. I need to go somewhere where I can be alone. I want to have zero responsibilities and just do as I want for about a week. That would be heaven to me.
My midwife called me this morning. She started with, "There's a problem with your urine." I was, like, OMG! What could be wrong? Pre-eclampsia couldn't start this early! Maybe it showed I am having triplets or something. But it's just a bladder infection. I didn't know that it was possible to have one of those and not know it. I've been peeing a lot lately, but that's part of pregnancy. Can stress cause them? Cuz Lord knows I am stressed to the max.
Today was my first prenatal appointment with my midwife, Loree. Everything went well. Since Chris' insurance changed, we can't use the same OB that delivered Jonathan. Since I most likely want to do VBAC, we decided to go with a midwife rather than an OB as they are typically more supportive of VBACs. The appointment went fine and everything looks good at this point. But my mom just irritates me.
I asked my mom to watch J while I went to the appointment. (And I'm glad I did cuz it was 2 hours long!) She made a big deal out of having to take him to music class. She had Annie go along with her. I walked with them out to the car and watched as my little 14-year-old sister strapped my precious baby into his car seat! Anyone that knows me knows that I am a car seat nazi, freak, fanatic, whatever you want to call it. And then I when to lean in to kiss him and I noticed loose straps and a fucking belly clip rather than a chest clip. Now I know that if I say anything to my mom she will use one of several excuses. One, she knew I would be checking J so she let Annie buckle him in. Two, she never lets Annie buckle him in typically and it was just that one time. Three, she just can't do the car seat buckles as it's too hard for her. Or some combination of the three. What pisses me off is that now I feel like I can't trust her to take care of J.
I remember when J was in his bucket seat that she would always do his chest clip backwards, but when confronted by it, she'd deny ever doing it. It wouldn't bother me so much if she'd just admit she fucked up and move on, but she never does.
I need to find a different sitter. Like, now.
I need a break. I need time off from all of the pressures. I need for new stuff to stop being piled on. All I wanted was to have a normal weekend. Chris had stuff to do for work and laundry and lawn work needed to be done. Plus, we wanted to spend some time with J. We didn't get our normal weekend.
Friday was a bad night. I was crabby and Chris and I fought most of the night. The breaking point was when I was sobbing that night and Chris just sat there. He did nothing to try and comfort me. That hurt a lot.
We got a phone call on Saturday afternoon that Chris' mom was in the ER. She was later diagnosed with colitis and admitted. I wanted a break from J so terribly. I haven't been the best mommy to him lately. My patience level is low and my fuse is short. I don't feel like doing much with him. I called and left a message at my parents' asking for J to go over there for a bit so that I could get some reprieve. No one ever acknowledged my message.
Tangent here.....my family really gets me. My parents have been told on more than one occasion that with my depression, I need some time away from J. Now that I'm pregnant, it's even more important for me. I'm not talking days at a time. I mean a few hours about once a week. Is that really too much to ask? J's an awesome kid. There are two teen-agers in that house who love spending time with him. And yet it never happens. When Chris was gone to MN a few weeks ago, I asked if J could sleep over one night. They said sure and then reneged. Stuff like this happens over and over and over again. Every time I ask for them to watch J for a couple of hours, it's this huge hassle. I just don't understand it. Why wouldn't they want to spend time with their grandson? Is caring for a small child really that hard? What really pisses me off is that Ryan spends the night with them at LEAST twice a month. He's going to their house for the entire fucking weekend next weekend. That's really nice.
Anyway, so I didn't get my break from J. Last night, we ran errands. J was pretty good during that time. We ate at Golden Corral. That is one of Chris' favorite spots and I think it's just okay. After J went to bed, Chris and I were gonna watch some TV. Suddenly, Avery came limping through the living room. He was holding his right front leg up off the ground. I examined him and whenever I touched his right elbow, he'd meow. We feared he had broken it. It was slightly swollen. We......well, Chris....decided we'd wait til morning to see how he was. Chris and I fought more last night. We just never can seem to get along anymore.
Chris and J went to Sheboygan to see Chris' mom in the hospital today. I hung out at home and kept an eye on Avery. He's doing somewhat better. I'm thinking that it's more likely a sprain at this point, but I'm still concerned about him.
The weekend is almost over and I am no more relaxed than I was when it all began. I just want a nice, calm weekend where nothing out of the ordinary happens. No trips to the ER. No injured or sick animals. Nothing but the mundane.
Tragedy struck the area this morning. This has hit me hard. I guess cuz Ellie was so close in age to J. I just don't understand how this kind of thing happens. How do people not know where a small child is? How do they lose track of a toddler? Apparently, this happens a lot. About 4,000 kids a year are hit and injured or killed by a car backing up. That makes my head spin. I just don't understand it at all. My heart goes out to that family. They are in my prayers.
Not much to report on our front. Oh, I had my first puking morning sickness episode this afternoon. I never once vomited with J or came close to it. This baby has me nauseous, dry-heaving, and now puking. All I can say is that it had better be a girl. If this pregnancy continues to be this difficult, this will be the last baby I ever carry in my womb. J was a dream from conception. I wonder why this one is so different. I just hope it's not the sign of things to come with this child.
So, this afternoon, I'm on the computer. I know that's not shocking. I spend way too much time on the computer. Between BBC, Ebay, MySpace, and Gmail.....well, it's not pretty. Not to mention perusing all of the different store websites looking at fun stuff to buy. I have no money to buy anything, but I like to look anyway. If I go window shopping at a B&M, I tend to buy. If I do it online, I don't buy.
Anyway, I was on the computer. I think I was writing an email, but that's not relevant to the story. J was wandering around the downstairs. He was in the kitchen. I assumed he was in his cupboard. His new favorite thing is to go into his cupboard, announce "raisins", and take a box. At least he always closes the door after himself. He's trained better than his daddy. Instead he came back into the living room carrying an empty Minute Maid lemonade container. I let him keep it. (Bad, bad Mommy. In my defense, it was plastic, empty, and I was busy!) The next thing I know, he's lining empty Coke cans up on the coffee table. I was like, wtf! I took the cans from him and shut the gate to the kitchen. His response? Throw himself on the floor and scream, "Dada!".
Tonight I was tired and needed a break. After dinner, I went upstairs to relax. At one point, I could hear Chris scolding J for something. I think I heard him putting his Thomas trains in his mouth. (Again, bad parents. They say 3 & up for a reason, but he loves them.) Chris warned him to take the train out and J ignored him. So, Chris took the train away. J's response? Throw himself on the floor and scream, "Mommy!".
At least he's consistent.
Last week was the annual trip to Door County. The trip was okay.
Jonathan had a hell of a time sleeping. I guess being in a strange place was hard on him. Actually, being in a strange place has always made it difficult for J to sleep. He slept with me rather than in the pack-n-play, so it was a good thing that we were in a king sized bed. Every nap and bedtime went like this:
J and I would read books and then we'd settle down to sleep. I would pretend to sleep and J would fool around. He would sit up, play with his stuffed animals, spin around in circles, etc. My personal favorite was called Assault Mommy. He would pry my eyelids open and say, "eyes". Then he would stick his little finger up my nose and say, "nose". My ears would be next. Ah, that brought back fine memories of wet willies given by my wonderful big sister. He would identify all of the body parts he knows (to include boobs....thanks, Chris) and giggle the entire time. This would go on for 45 minutes or more. Plus he would cry during that time, too. This was so not like J. Bedtime at home is relatively smooth. It's books, snuggles and lullabies, and then into his crib while he is still awake. Because I could not trust him loose in the room, I had to stay with him til he fell asleep. I never could sleep as well as I usually do as I was too aware of J being right there. Plus, he woke up a lot at night and did not sleep as late in the morning as he typically does or as long at naptime. People who co-sleep: more power to you. It's not for me.
The highlights of our trip included riding on the trolley and going to DairyView. J loved playing in the sandbox at DairyView. He was also kissed by a pony there! We swam about every night, much to J's delight. Then he and his cousin, Ryan, would take baths in the big whirlpool tub. J hated the jets being turned on, but he loved the huge tub and being in it with Ryan. I've added some pics from the trip below. Enjoy.
So, I'm blogging now. How 21st century of me. Jonathan is making me crazy these days. He is so damn cranky all the time. He hits, pinches, and slaps whenever he doesn't get his way. Or he throws himself down on the floor and screams. A few weeks ago, he added a new trick to his bag. He now bangs his head on the floor when he's mad. It's lovely. Yes, I know I have a toddler, but I would still like it to be fun sometimes.
I think that being pregnant has a lot to do with my lack of patience with him. I'm so tired all the time. And so crabby. (Now I sound like my son!) Morning sickness is far worse this time. I feel nauseous almost all the time. I have been dry-heaving for the past week. I would almost rather puke than dry-heave. Plus, I can already feel my uterus. I know I didn't feel it at this point with J. I know that with the 2nd and subsequent pregnancies, the body is already stretched out. But come on! I'm only 7 weeks. I feel bloated, too. Man, being pregnant sucks.
God, listen to me. I sound like I hate my children and I really don't. I'm just grouchy, I guess.
